


The Case of the Problem Pocky

by orphan_account



Category: Detective Academy Q (Tantei Gakuen Q)
Genre: Crack, Gen, sort-of-a-crossover-but-not-really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-20
Updated: 2009-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-04 18:58:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>DDS gets called to some very strange cases sometimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Case of the Problem Pocky

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pareidolia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pareidolia/gifts).



> Thanks to the ones who should be thanked for this; you know who you are.

"Welcome to Seiryuu Academy," said the girl with purple swirls in her pink hair. "I'm Mei."

At her side, another girl bowed. She was identical to the first girl, except that she had pink swirls in her purple hair. "I'm Kei. We're so fortunate to have you respond so quickly to this disaster... Pocky?"

She offered a box of strawberry Pocky. Everyone took one.

"Pocky?" asked Mei. "I have all the new flavors."

"Mei always has all the new flavors," said Kei enviously.

Mei opened an enormous handbag. "Purple sweet potato? Starfruit? Cuttlefish?"

"Do you guys really do nothing but study dueling?" Kinta asked. "Hardcore!"

"No, we also have a full curriculum," said Mei. "But it's the dueling that makes Seiryuu Academy famous. In a hundred years, students here have fought 3,000 duels without a single death-- until now."

"Tell us what happened," said Ryuu.

Mei pulled out a box of articulated ball-jointed dolls, and Kei unfolded a model dueling arena.

"It happened yesterday afternoon," Mei said. "Shinji-- the student council president-- and Goro were testing their swords against each other the way they do, as friends. No one could have foreseen that the exchange would end in death! Goro is most distraught."

Kei laid out a doll with long, red hair, face-down. She picked up a second doll with long, green hair and manipulated his jointed arm in a stabbing motion.

Kyuu frowned. "I thought you guys fought with swords."

"Oh, that," Kei said deprecatingly. She brought out two tiny model foils, correct down to the minuscule buttons at the tips, and put one in the face-down doll's hand and the other in the green-haired doll's hand. "See?"

Kazuma turned his laptop around, displaying the image of a fencing foil. "But why do you think this is a murder? It occasionally and tragically occurs that the tip of a fencing foil breaks off, turning a sport weapon into a lethal device. Isn't that what happened here?"

"But our duels are not fought with normal foils," explained Kei. "They're special swords, obtained in a very special manner. We only use regular foils for practice..."

Mei said, "Goro fought Shinji in a duel, but it turned out that he was using a real foil with the button broken off and the tip deliberately sharpened."

"Has Goro been questioned?" Ryuu asked.

"Yes," replied Mei. "He claims that he had no idea that he was using the wrong sword. He thought it was perfectly safe. He insists that someone switched the swords. He made such a convincing case that, instead of being arrested, the headmaster decided to call you in."

Megumi raised her hand. "Excuse me, but I'm still not quite understanding how your duels work."

"Not a problem," Kei said. "We can hold a demonstration for you. It is the only way to truly appreciate how special our duels are. Are any of you versed in the sword arts?"

Ryuu, Kinta, and Megumi raised their hands.

"Iaido," said Megumi.

"Kendo," said Kinta.

"Foil," said Ryuu.

Kei and Mei both pointed to Ryuu. "Our duels use foils-- special foils-- so the rest of you can watch while you, Ryuu, battle-- Hello, Goro!"

A tall, green-haired boy walked up. "Dan Detective School, I presume?"

He presented a box of dark chocolate Men's Pocky. "Pocky?"

Everyone took one.

"Wait, wait," said Kyuu. "Ryuu's not going to fight the guy who just killed someone in a duel!"

"I was set up," said Goro. "I'd be pretty stupid to do it again, right? That would do nothing but prove that I was guilty the first time!"

"That's logical," Ryuu said.

"Let's go to the dueling arena," said Goro.

Suddenly, the blaring strains of rock opera filled the air.

_Philomel becometh honey bees!  
More skillful in self-knowledge!  
Firefighter knows the entire cat!  
I humbly request for your ass!_

CHOCOLATE PAJAMA CRAZYPANTS  
CHOCOLATE PAJAMA CRAZYPANTS

One night stand carcinoma!  
Shining present for penis!  
Women spin the kitten brioche!  
Sex conquest of the world!

CHOCOLATE PAJAMA CRAZYPANTS  
CHOCOLATE PAJAMA CRAZYPANTS

"What _was_ that?" demanded Megumi, uncovering her ears.

"What was what?" asked Goro blankly. "Come on, let's duel."

The dueling arena was even more splendid than the model had hinted at. Ryuu had rarely seen architecture so beautiful. It didn't seem very practical as a dueling arena, but he supposed that wasn't the point.

"Our swords are drawn from the hearts of the ones we love," explained Goro. "Shinji and I used to draw them from each other." He paused sadly. "But... Shinji also dated Mei, and I know he loved her very much. So, for the sake of that love..."

Goro seized Mei by the shoulder and bent her over backwards, until her pink and purple hair brushed the marble floor. He reached out his right hand and drew a shining fencing foil from her heart.

Ryuu noticed that everyone was staring at him. "I'm not sure I was prepared for this," he said, as diplomatically as he could.

Megumi was watching him out of the corner of her eye, but when he glanced her way, she colored and looked away.

There was a long, awkward pause.

At last, Kei said, with an air of pity, "It could also be your best friend. Is there any one of your classmates you're especially friendly with?"

"Me!" Kyuu said. "You know I'll always be there for you."

Since he seemed to have no other option, and hoping no one would ever speak of this day again, Ryuu grabbed Kyuu and bent over backwards him in his strong arms. Thrusting out his hand, he slammed his palm into Kyuu's chest. A long, slender blade emerged as he pulled at the hilt which had leaped up to meet his hand. He held up the foil triumphantly, since this was what seemed to be expected of him.

Everyone crowded around to congratulate him. Ryuu, still embarrassed by the manner by which he'd obtained his weapon, not to mention the very public nature of it, backed away. "Let's start."

Just as Ryuu was settling into his stance, Megumi leaped up. "STOP! It's the wrong foil!"

Everyone crowded around Ryuu to examine his foil. Indeed, the button had been broken off and the tip was sharpened.

"It wasn't like this when I took it from Kyuu," said Ryuu.

Goro exclaimed, "It's been switched! Again!"

"Where could the sharpened foils have come from?" asked Kyuu. "Didn't you say you practice with regular foils? Where are they kept?"

"They're checked in and out from a storage room," said Kei. "No one's allowed to take them out of the practice area."

"Then let's visit the storage room," said Megumi.

They all walked to the storage room, eating Pocky as they went. Ryuu decided that Mei's tonkatsu Pocky was the best he'd ever had.

The storage room was locked, but Goro had the key.

"Aha!" exclaimed Kinta. "Why do you have a key?"

"Yes, I realize how suspicious that looks," Goro said. "Only the student council president has a key. Shinji was the president, and I inherited the position from him. And yes, I realize that's even more suspicious."

"Who gets the position if you go to jail for murder?" asked Ryuu.

"I suppose Mei would be next in line," Goro replied. "Or Kei... which one of you is older again?"

Mei and Kei looked at each other and sighed.

"We really don't like placing one of us above the other," Mei said. "Can we just examine the room for clues?"

The detectives scattered to search the room. Ryuu, crawling on hands and knees, noticed that the floor seemed suspiciously clean. But under a mat, he found it: a Pocky crumb. "Aha!"

"What is it?" asked Kyuu. The others crowded around.

"It's Pocky," said Ryuu. "Of course, everyone here eats Pocky."

Kinta stepped forward. "Give it to me." He took the tiny crumb and popped it in his mouth.

"Eww!" Megumi said.

"It's dragonfruit!" Kinta said. "I didn't know dragonfruit was on the market!"

"It isn't," said Kyuu.

Everyone looked at Mei.

"This isn't what you think it is!" she protested. "I'm not Mei! I'm Kei! We've been impersonating each other."

Kei-- or was it Mei?-- said, "We used to impersonate each other, but not since we came to Seiryuu Academy."

As the girls continued to argue, and everyone looked confused, Ryuu called for attention. "It really doesn't matter what your real name is," he said. "The girl who always has the unusual Pocky is the murderer, and we know who has the original Pocky." He pointed to the girl with the bag of Pocky. "That one."

Mei-- Kei-- the girl with the Pocky burst into tears. As she sobbed, her bag fell open. Boxes and boxes of unique off-market Pocky fell to the floor along with a book called, _Advanced Techniques in Sleight of Hand._

"And that's how she switched the swords!" exclaimed Kyuu. "There could only be one solution!"

"Not really," Ryuu pointed out. "We still don't know which one she is."

*

Back at Dan Detective School, Ryuu hoped no one would ever mention "The Case of the Problem Pocky" again.

But Kyuu came running up to him, his expression as perky as ever. "Ryuu! I didn't know you fenced. Would you teach me?"

"Only on one condition," Ryuu said.

"What?"

"That we never go back to Seiryuu Academy."

"Done," said Kyuu. "Want some Pocky?"


End file.
